veal 4.vea.003003 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Synopsis

Stan is appalled when he realizes the veal he’s been eating is, in fact, the meat from precious little baby calves. He and the boys save the soon-to-be slaughtered calves by kidnapping them from the farm and hiding them in Stan’s bedroom. When the police show up, the Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire  boys refuse to give up the animals and a standoff ensues. Cartman steps up to the megaphone and assumes the role of negotiator.

Full Recap

The kids are on a field trip to Rancher Bob’s where they learn about beef. They children (sans Cartman) are disgusted when they find out where veal comes from. The boys decide they need to help the baby cows. That night Stan, Kyle and Butters go to Cartman’s, because they need him for his MISSION: Impossible Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire Breaking and Entering play set. He demands that Kyle kiss his ass for his participation. To his disgust, Kyle does. The boys break into the barn and Stan lets the baby cows loose. Only the cows can’t move, since they’ve never walked. One by one they carry the calves to Stan house. To help the calves get strong enough to walk, Butters brings over a Susanne Sommers “Calf Exerciser.” Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady and the rancher appear at the Marsh house. Stan’s parents are surprised when they see Stan’s room filled with calves. Stan pleads his case, but his mother tells him that he has to give the calves back and there is nothing he can do about it. Stan responds by shutting the door in her face and locking it. The boys decide that they will not let the calves out of Stan’s room until they have a guarantee of their safety.
The other parents arrive at the Marsh home. Sheila and Butter’s father try to reach their children, but the boys have survived the first round. The next morning the boys wake up hungry and wondering what to do, when Cartman’s mother gives them a picnic basket of food. The boys dig in to the fried chicken and beef jerky, only Stan refuses to eat any meat. At hour 34, the local news is covering the siege and calling the boys terrorists. When the story doesn’t prove interesting enough, the TV station switches over to “Puppies around the World.” At hour 53 a group of hippies joins the protest. Cartman is disgusted that they’ve become like “no good, dirty goddamned hippies.”
At hour 75, the FBI arrives to put an end to the conflict and Stan is showing signs of an illness. The FBI negotiator tries to match wits with Cartman, the negotiator loses. At hour 154, the FBI gives the boys guns and ammunition. Meanwhile, Stan is still showing signs of getting sick. At hour 169, they give Cartman a missile and they tell him that the FDA has officially renamed veal. The FBI negotiator reports that the boys are prepared to come out, if they are given a truck to transport them and the cattle to Denver’s airport where they can fly to Mexico. They also demand that Michael Dorn, Worf from Star Trek: TNG, drive the truck in full makeup. That FBI negotiator is replaced by a new that only plans to give in to half of their demands. At hour 201, Michael Dorn and the truck arrives. The boys come out and load the truck with the calves. Stan appears to be very ill; his face is covered with sores. As the truck is passing the cattle ranch, the truck is stopped and the game is over. Cartman orders “Worf” to kill them and he refuses, causing Cartman to comment “some goddamned Klingon you are.”
The calves are unloaded, but the rancher claims they are now worthless, since the boys got the FDA to change the word veal to “little tortured baby cow.” Stan can’t celebrate as his sickness has gotten the better of him. The doctor says that he arrived at the hospital just in time. Stan had “vaginitis”, the sores were tiny little vaginas that were forming on his skin and had it gone too long, he would have turned into one big giant pussy. The disease started in Stan when he stopped eating meat.

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