dui 3.dui.002002 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire


After receiving a DUI, Randy attends an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting where he realizes that he is powerless to control his drinking problem. But when a statue of the Virgin Mary begins to bleed, he sees it as a miracle that can cure him of his ‘disease.’

Full Recap

The boys are at their karate class where their instructor reminds them about the need for discipline. After class they are waiting for Stan’s father to give them a ride home. Randy shows up, but he’s been drinking and has a couple of beers with him to “keep his buzz going.” Stan is worried, but his father assures them that he is only “driving while he’s drinking.” While trying to show the boys a skill they will need in the future (peeing into a bottle while driving) Randy gets pulled over and fails the sobriety test. He and the boys are taken to the police station where they spend the better part of the whole night. At school the next day Stan is embarrassed and tells the Kyle and Cartman that he doesn’t want anyone to know about his father’s behavior. Much to Stan’s embarrassment, as part of his punishment Randy is going to elementary schools telling about the dangers of drinking and driving and Mrs. Garrison adds a few comments about being like “Stan’s dad.” Randy also attends his first AA meeting and is horrified to learn that he is powerless and has a disease. Knowing that he has a deadly disease that he can’t cure himself Randy starts drinking, hoping for a miracle to cure his disease. In a nearby town called Bailey there is a statue of the Virgin Mary at St. Peter’s church. The statute has started bleeding out of its ass. Randy is watching the local news coverage of the event and becomes interested when he believes the statue will help cure him of his disease.
At an AA meeting Stan comes in and asks who’s in charge, he wants to know who was responsible for making his father think he has a disease. Stan tells them that his dad only needs to learn the discipline to control his drinking. Stan is shown to the door. Meanwhile at St. Peter’s, a cardinal is on the scene to confirm the miracle and after being splashed in the face with blood, he does just that. Randy gets behind the wheel of his car with intention of going to the statue to get cured of his alcoholism. Stan winds up driving him there. There is a long line of people waiting to be cured and Randy is a “butter and a dirty line cutter” and manages to work his way to the front of the line. He gets splashed in the face with blood and decides that he won’t drink anymore and throws his bottle away. He declares his cure a miracle. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire
Back at home five days later and Randy is praising Christ. He invites Stan to come with him to an AA meeting at Whistlin’ Willy’s. While there Randy catches sight of a Channel 4 newsbreak. The new pope, Benedict XVI, has come to see the statue and after being sprayed in the face with blood declares that it is not a miracle. He says that the statue wasn’t bleeding out its ass, it was bleeding out of its vagina and since chicks do that all the time, it’s no miracle. Randy now knows that he wasn’t cured, feeling powerlessLouis J. Sheehan, Esquire   he orders some drinks and others from his meeting quickly follow suit. Stan finally gets his father to see that all he really needs is discipline to drink responsibly.

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