pirate 5.pir.0098 Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire

Synopsis

Cartman decides to become a pirate, and takes Butters and a small group of recruits with him to help make his dream come true.

Full Recap

Cartman comes into the lunchroom with news, pirating is back. He shows them a map and how he plans to get to Somalia. Seeing a chance, Kyle tells Cartman it’s an awesome idea and that Cartman should leave right away. When Cartman is suspicious about why Kyle doesn’t want to go, Kyle reminds him he is Jewish and can’t be a pirate. Cartman makes an announcement over the school’s PA system; he’s looking for pirates to join him who aren’t Jewish, Mexican or Ginger. The new pirates gather for their first meeting. Captain Cartman’s crew consists of Clyde, Butters, Ike and Kevin (with light saber). Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire Cartman has purchased their tickets for Somalia. At the airport, Butters has some reservations, but Cartman gives an impassioned speech and the pirates are bound for Somalia. They get off the bus in Mogadishu and don’t see the pirate paradise they dreamed about. Using a phrasebook they ask the locals where the pirates are. Oblivious to the danger, Cartman’s band walks into the pirate headquarters. Cartman notes that these aren’t pirates, they’re just black people. The Somali pirates don’t know what to make of this bunch of white kids, but seizing the opportunity they send the boys out on a boat to be used as hostages. The boys thinking they are going out on their first pirate mission are disappointed at the size of the pirate’s ship. Cartman starts “leading” the mission, when Clyde has a breakdown. The pirates approach and stop a French vessel. The pirates start a negotiation, 5,000 Euros for the kids, but Cartman takes over when he feels the Somali pirates are doing it all wrong.

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Much too the kid’s ignorance, the Somali pirates are threatening to kill them.

Kyle is happy, he’s just found out that Cartman is missing; however, he’s no longer happy when he finds out that his little brother Ike has joined the pirate gang. Now Kyle is feeling guilty. Cartman wants to know when they are going to start plundering. The French pay the ransom and the Somali pirates let the kids go on board the French vessel and leave. Captain Cartman and his crew are now on board the French ship and he is taking charge, but it isn’t until Kevin fires up his light saber that the French take the threat seriously. They put the French crew in lifeboat and take command of the huge French vessel, which Captain Cartman deems a real pirate ship when they take it back to the pirate port. Captain Cartman takes over the Somali pirates, who aren’t quite sure what to make of all this, but they go with it, even when he leads them in the song “Somalian Pirates We”. The French crew is found and tells about the pirates with the terrible light saber. The government decides they need to take out the pirates where they live. At Skull Cove, Cartman is celebrating the good life, when there is a disturbance. The Somali pirates have taken another hostage, Kyle.

CNNN reports on the pirate crisis. The pirates are demanding 10 millions Euros for the safe return of their latest hostage. Captain Cartman believes that Kyle might want to join his band after all, but Kyle is only there to get his brother back. Kyle tries telling Cartman it isn’t safe to live in Somalia. Butters and Ike are taking inventory of their latest pirate booty, when one of the pirates asks them why they wanted to be pirates. Butters and Ike talk about their hate for school and homework, while the Somali pirate tells them that he would like to have an opportunity to go to school and have homework. He tells them more that make them think again about their decision to be pirates. Captain Cartman has Kyle walking the plank, when Butters and Ike return to with their decision to want return home (and Clyde breaks down to). Captain Cartman won’t have it and he calls his Somali pirates to arms. Louis J. Sheehan, Esquire Offshore the pirates see a ship, it is a US Navy ship loaded with Seals, and they have orders to shoot to kill all but the white kids. And they do. Captain Cartman’s pirating days are over.

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